The Theory of Karma

As a child, I remember believing that our actions are directly proportionate to the kind of life we get to lead. Sunday mornings were dedicated to episodes of the Ramayana and the Mahabharata, both of which espoused that the better a person one was, the richer the fruit of karma in our share.

I remember asking Mom once, "What exactly is karma?" She tried her best to explain to my 7-year-old self that karma was the sum of our actions, and it more or less determined the course of our future.

As I grew up, I firmly believed that if I were a good person, I would lead a good life. As I crossed from my teens into my 20s and then into my 30s, several gaps appeared in this formula. From whatever I could recall, I hadn’t harmed anyone. Then why were there inexplicable obstacles and sorrows in my path?

That is when I came across the theory of karma and reincarnation. It appeared that in our present lives, we not only had to give due for our present deeds but also for deeds which we committed, knowingly and unknowingly in our past lives. To be honest, my educated self, kind of rebelled against this theory. I mean, I could have been a truly mean person in my past life and yet might be a thoroughly nice person in my present life. Was it fair that I should be held accountable for deeds I had no recollection of? Shouldn’t the tally of our actions be exhausted in the lives we led, rather than be carried forward like a complicated mathematics equation? For all you know, therein lay my inherent dislike of mathematics!

The first 12 years of my life were tough. Those who know me well enough are aware of what I am referring to and yet even during the darkest of times, I was lucky to have Mom standing as a shield between me and the worst of it. I was in my 30s when I got married and somewhere I heaved a sigh of relief. I genuinely believed that I had paid my dues and now life would be all about the mundane and the ordinary which I craved for. You see, I never wanted an exciting life. I thrived on routine and disliked surprises. You recall that dialogue in the movie Jab We Met where Kareena says “Bhagwan ji please ab iss raat ko boring bana do?” That would be me, referring to life.

So it came as a shock to realise that there were still more trials ahead, more dues that I needed to pay, only this time they involved not just me but also my child.

There is a book called “Our Soul’s Plan” in which Chapter 3 is about “Parenting Handicapped Children”. According to the author, our souls choose to be parents to children who are differently-abled. It is a conscious journey that we undertake, willingly and happily. Correspondingly, the souls of such children also choose families into which they are born, with the conviction that each has a part to play in the other’s learning process.

The skeptics might say, can this be possible? I say, why not? Can I explain what happened to Aarav without falling back upon theories of past lives and souls? How do I explain why a two-year-old went through a trauma which is still continuing? Who can explain how as a six-year-old today, he talks about what he remembers going through four years ago as though it’s a clear memory?

These are grey areas which we shall probably never have answers for. As a mom to a child who is special not just in the lack of his physical abilities but also in the extraordinariness of his mental capabilities, all I know is that we were set on this path for a reason. On days when the going gets particularly tough, I lose sight of this reason but so far, I have always managed to find my way back to some form of optimism, however faint it might appear. If my soul has a plan that is working in tandem with Aarav’s soul, I must believe that our journey is not endless.