Posts

I Choose to Be...

I have had several people ask me recently why I have stopped writing my blog posts. While I make the usual excuses of lack of time, the truth is, I am no longer sure what to say. My blogging journey started six years ago, sitting by Aarav’s hospital bed. Even then, I believed that everything that began must have an end, and my blogs, too, would end with the grand finale of Aarav’s recovery. Six years later, I know better. While we have come a long, long way from where we started, the road ahead seems equally stretched out and indistinct. When Aarav’s physiotherapist tells me that there are some things beyond the scope of medicine, I find myself wondering- what if we have used up our share of miracles in bringing him to this point? What if this is it? The what-ifs are plenty, far more than the answers. And then, I tell myself that there is so much to be thankful for. I just need to choose what to be. Aarav is a delight. Bringing him up is a journey I wouldn’t trade for anything. H...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Topography of Grief

One of the fallouts of growing up is having to accept that life shall inevitably throw us curveballs that go beyond the unexpected. It is having to face the reality that we shall someday have to live without those we love, simply because that’s the law of nature. I have often felt that the most overused phrase is “Time heals all wounds” or “It shall get better with time.” I disagree. Grief doesn’t diminish with time. We just learn to fill our days with distractions and compartmentalize thoughts that hurt us the most, hoping that if we bury them deep enough under the million things on our to-do list, they will quietly lie there. And they do. For several days, these feelings and thoughts lie low, lulling us into a false sense of security. They allow us to believe we are getting to the point where thinking about someone we have lost or remembering a time that no longer exists shall not reduce us to a blubbering mess. Until one day, they throw off the layers they are buried under and remin...
Post a Comment
Read more

Sukoon

If there is a word I  want 2025 to be all about, it would be  “Sukoon .” Taken in its simplest form, it means peace, but the word comes with so many connotations. The beauty of it is that it means different things to different people. To some, it means peace from conflict; to others,  it could mean peace within themselves. The word conjures up a group of people with whom I can be myself. An eclectic mix of family and friends like family; sukoon is being with them. It doesn’t matter if we meet often or rarely, the important thing is that when we meet, there is a sense of tranquility that envelops us. Silences are not strained and conversations flow with ease. Sometimes, we even find ourselves completing each other’s sentences! Over the past few years, life has become a roller coaster; not just of activities but also of emotions. I found myself swinging from highs to lows, often within the span of a few hours. One minute I was all smiles and the next a storm of te...
3 comments
Read more

The Theory of Karma

As a child, I remember believing that our actions are directly proportionate to the kind of life we get to lead. Sunday mornings were dedicated to episodes of the Ramayana and the Mahabharata , both of which espoused that the better a person one was, the richer the fruit of karma in our share. I remember asking Mom once, "What exactly is karma?" She tried her best to explain to my 7-year-old self that karma was the sum of our actions, and it more or less determined the course of our future. As I grew up, I firmly believed that if I were a good person, I would lead a good life. As I crossed from my teens into my 20s and then into my 30s, several gaps appeared in this formula. From whatever I could recall, I hadn’t harmed anyone. Then why were there inexplicable obstacles and sorrows in my path? That is when I came across the theory of karma and reincarnation. It appeared that in our present lives, we not only had to give due for our present deeds but also for deeds which...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Silent Heroes

Yesterday was Aarav’s day at hydrotherapy. We usually have a few minutes break between his physiotherapy and hydro session, in which I hand him the phone and allow him to relax his mind by watching his favourite cartoons. While we were waiting for his session to start, a mother-daughter duo entered. The daughter looked in her 40s while the mom was around 60 but in a wheelchair. As a parent to a child who is also often in a wheelchair, I have learned never to ask the question, “What happened?” unless the information is freely volunteered. So, while observing the dynamics between these two people, I kept silent. The daughter was stressed and the mom even more so. As the attendant checked her blood pressure to determine whether she was fit to undergo a hydrotherapy session, the daughter was visibly tense. Something that was reflected in her mom’s high BP. The attendant told her to take a few minutes and relax before it was measured again. As the lady sat down and tried to take deep br...
Post a Comment
Read more

The 3am Friends

  Like almost everything else in our society, the concept of friendship is something which is expected to fit into neat little columns. So, we have childhood friends; the ones we have known forever, the ones who have seen us grow and who have grown with us. Then we have our “official” friends; people whom we started out as knowing as colleagues and who eventually became more. Then come our family friends; people whom we start out with on a formal note but come to accept and admire as our own. As we head into our 40’s we have our mid-life friends; the ones who get to know us after a major portion of our lives is over but who, all the same, have our back. And then of course, there are “mom friends”; people whom we get to know through our kids and who continue to be a part of our lives, even when the kids don’t really recognize each other at all!!! But very seldom, as adults, do we talk about our 3am friends. Now, as someone in their 40s you will probably understand that 3...
Post a Comment
Read more

Rustom a.k.a Russtty

I have always grown up with pets. First a rabbit, then birds, and then a succession of dogs, most of them adopted off the street. When I had Ayana, both Sameer and I were in agreement that our kids must also grow up around pets. Bruno entered our lives when Ayana was 1.5 years old and to be completely honest, I wasn’t ready for the added responsibility. I took time to adjust to him and much though it pains me to admit it, I was stricter with him than I should have been. When the incident with Aarav happened and our lives turned topsy-turvy, it was Bruno I turned to for solace. Many a night passed with me sobbing into his fur, unbeknown to anyone. He was Aarav’s favourite from the time Aarav learned how to crawl and it was him I turned to when I felt that life had fallen apart. So when a few months after we returned from the hospital Bruno fell sick and left us, I felt that my heart could take no more sorrow. Thus, it was with great reluctance, at Mom’s urging that Ayana and I wen...
Post a Comment
Read more