One step, Two steps

One step forward, one step back.

Two steps forward, two steps back. Days pass in a seesaw of hopes and disappointments.
Hits and misses being the order of the day.

The horizon seems far, the going gets tough.
The mind is weary, the heart is sore.
One step forward, one step back. Two steps forward, two steps back.

Tiny little legs, kicking through the night
Tiny little feet, running here and there.
Eyes open in darkness to find it was a dream.
The legs lie silent, the feet don't move.
One step forward, one step back.
Two steps forward, two steps back.

Memories try to enter, knocking against the corners of the mind.
I shut them away, closing the door firmly.
Time has found a division, Before and After.
The Before too painful to recall, the After equally painful to live.
One step forward, one step back.
Two steps forward, two steps back.

Nothing lasts forever I am told
Yet each day feels like an eternity.
One hour at a time, crawling past.
A surreal circle in the square routine of our daily lives.
One step forward, one step back.
Two steps forward, two steps back.

I struggle with acceptance, while the baby smiles through the day
Waking up only at night crying out in terror of the days gone past
I shush him, holding him close
My heart cracking as he says "Mama legs fold kar do"
One step forward, one step back.
Two steps forward, two steps back.

I find myself wishing for fairy tales
Magic potions and kind fairies,
To turn back time or maybe fast forward it.
Taking us to a place where kids did what they were meant to do-run and play and laugh.
A day without physiotherapy and back supports and anxieties.

It shall come, I am told
It shall come, most days I know.
But for now it's,
One step forward, one step back.
Two steps forward, two steps back.


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